


Easier to Breathe

by mustehelmi



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Awkward Romance, Canon Era, Canon-Typical Violence, Developing Relationship, Dorks in Love, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hand Jobs, M/M, Non-Graphic Smut, Prompt Fill, Shingeki no Kyojin: Kuinaki Sentaku | Attack on Titan: No Regrets Spoilers, Young Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-25
Updated: 2017-08-25
Packaged: 2018-12-19 11:05:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11896434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mustehelmi/pseuds/mustehelmi
Summary: A take on a young Levi entering the Scouting Legion at the same time as Eren, their differences and similarities, and the trust building between them.





	Easier to Breathe

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by Anonymous in the [FYEF_2018](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/FYEF_2018) collection. 



> Please notice that meanwhile Eren's still 15 in this fic, Levi's only about 18-20 years old and that ACWNR happens around the same time as Eren goes to court.  
> There's a non-explicit hand job toward the end, and afterward Eren innocently tastes Levi's cum like the bumbling dork he is (don't get your hopes up, it's not kinky, haha). If any of this makes you uncomfortable, now would be a good time to backtrack.

Levi stood with his hands crossed over his chest and stared up at the sky. Rain clouds blocked the view just as the underground ceiling had all his life. Sometimes he had glimpsed the dreamy vastness through a crack in the ceiling, but those times did not compare to the real thing that stretched out above him wherever he looked.

The air above ground tasted different. Cleaner and crisper, and not like he was swallowing a lungful of dust with every breath.

The wind whipped dead leaves around his legs and ruffled his hair. He did not bother wiping away the first few tentative raindrops that trailed down his nose and cheeks, and soon his bangs were stuck to his skin. A leaf wedged itself in between his shin and boot. Swallowing a cringe, he plucked it away before it could further stain his white jeans.

About twenty meters away a hooded figure crouched beneath a crooked shelter. A tuft of brown hair stuck from out above two shining teal eyes. The soldier cowered closer to the wall and pulled at his cloak with shaking fingers. Looking at the figure, Levi became aware of the cold rain seeping into his own clothes and running down his spine. He had stepped out on a whim to enjoy what Farlan and Isabel could not, and left his cloak behind. An appalling choice in retrospect.

He should go back inside, but his gut feeling coaxed him to stay.

Levi glanced up once, before trekking over to the shelter. All the while he felt eyes on his back, but in the heavy rain he could not pinpoint who watched him. The mud squelched beneath his soles, and the raindrops fell heavier with each step he took. He leaned against the wall next to the crouching soldier.

“What’re you doing out here, Eren?”

Eren flinched, but Levi didn’t know whether it was from his tone, his words, or because he had shifted his foot closer. Even though Smith had emphasized that he had ordered Levi to beat Eren against his will at the courtroom a week ago, Eren still tensed up around him.

 “. . . Looking for you?”

“I was in the middle of the damn courtyard and I could see you fucking fine, but you couldn’t see me because you were too busy huddling over here?”

Tugging his cloak over his eyes, Eren gave an embarrassed cough. “Yeah well. . .”

“Whatever. We’ll go back inside when the rain ends.”

Levi was thoroughly soaked. His skin crawled, his clothes weighed him down, and smudges covered his boots and white jeans. Those would be a bitch to get out. At least his cloak was not drenched in mud like Eren’s was.

Rain drops dripped from his hair each time a shiver racked his shoulders. He tried to shake them off without staining his face. Even worse, his bangs now smelled like sewer rat. Disgusting.

“We could share my cloak while we wait,” Eren said. He hurried to add, “But only if you want to, of course.”

Eren peered up at him, his fingers gripping the edge of his cloak, ready to pull it closer or open it wider, depending on Levi’s reply.

Weighing his options (tell Eren to fuck off, keep shivering and risk getting sick or sit his already dirty ass on the ground and wrap himself in an equally dirty, but warm-looking, waterproof-ish military cloak) Levi nodded and squatted next to Eren. Each took their corner of the cloak and yanked it closer until they huddled shoulder to shoulder. It was not big enough to envelop the both of them, but the chill air contrasted Eren’s natural heat so they did not suffer.

“We need to change when we get inside,” Levi said and fixed the hood of the cloak between their necks. “And wash our clothes. They’re filthy.”

An apprehensive silence settled between them. Eren inspected the tips of his boots peeking out from beneath the cloak, while Levi scrutinized the empty shelter and watched lightning strike across the sky. He had never seen them from the inside of the walls before. But a few weeks ago, on his first mission outside Wall Maria, lightning had struck. Had Isabel and Farlan seen them as well? Before the titan had picked them up and chewed them to bits, had the last thing they had seen been a flashing light? Levi had been too numb to notice them himself.

“They’re pretty, aren’t they?” Eren asked. The green specks in his eyes were set aflame each time a lightning flashed above them.

Eren’s face was youthful, though his full lips often were pulled in a determined frown, accompanied by a crease between his thick eyebrows. His cheeks were rounder than Levi’s despite only a few years age difference. Levi did not know how many, but he guessed five years at most. He had never learned his own birthday. His mother might have known and even told him at some point, but she had died before he had been old enough to value such knowledge.

“Isabel and Farlan died during a storm like this.”

“The others from the underground?”

“Yeah. They didn’t see the titan in the fog before it was too late.” Levi paused. “I was elsewhere.”

“I, uh, I heard about that.” After a moment’s hesitation, Eren spoke up again. “Were you really going to assassinate the Commander?”

Levi frowned at Eren, who recoiled, but could not get far with the cloak still wrapped around them.

“I was. Not anymore.” Levi raised his chin. “I would’ve done it for them.”

Lies. He would have done it for himself, for all three of them. But he would choose soaking up freezing rain water like a lonely sponge over losing his head for avenging Isabel and Farlan. They were dead and nothing Levi did would bring them back, and he might as well do something worthwhile with his life.

The heavy rain diminished to a drizzle. Levi stood up and spared Eren a glance, before sliding out of the cloak’s warmth. His right arm ached with the coldness that set in after having basked in Eren’s heat.

“Let’s go.”

Eren made a protesting sound and tried to insist that Levi took the cloth, but Levi cut him off.

“It’s yours and it’s fucking dirty. I don’t want to carry around your shit. Put it on.”

Levi waited until Eren had drawn up the hood before trudging inside. The notion that someone watched him did not leave before they stepped inside the headquarters.

 

 

 

Sometimes Eren would injure himself in his sleep, just like before transforming into a titan. He would jerk his arms, and the edge of his cuffs would dig into his skin and draw blood. At times he would cry and mumble things like “I don’t understand, dad” or “Mom!” Other times he punched the air, but with loose fists and tense arms, as if he was holding something. He would chant “Die, die, die, you animals” in a hoarse voice, his nose scrunched up and lips curled in a feral expression.

Last night, Levi had opened the cuffs to clean the blood before it dried on the sheets and Eren’s wrists. He had not put them back on when the skin had begun to steam as a sign of an ongoing healing process. It was not like he had anything better to do than babysit his ward anyway.

When he had returned to bed, Eren had shot up and blurted out, his voice still thick with nightmares, “Are you afraid of me?”

Levi’s answer had been automatic, but not impulsive. “No.”

“Have you ever killed someone?”

“Of course.”

Eren had collapsed back on the bed. “Did they deserve it?”

“It depends.” It was a matter of killing or getting killed in the underground. Did Levi deserve to live more than the scum whose throats he had slit? No, he did not. But he owed adamancy to the lives he had taken, and would never regret ending them early.

“I’ve killed people too.”

Levi had snorted. “I figured.”

Eren had turned his head to stare at Levi, as if he could unravel all his wrongdoings by gaze alone. Even in the darkness of the unlit basement, his eyes had shone bright.

“Are you afraid of me now?”

“No.”

“You could kill me if you wanted to.”

“Mm.”

“Do you want to kill me?”

“No.”

“. . . I’m glad,” Eren had whispered and closed his eyes.

Levi had left his hands unshackled, and would have done it again, even if it meant waking up to Eren’s clutching his hand like a lifeline.

 

 

 

The basement was as cold as the air outside, if not colder. What was worse, it smelled like mold and stale air. Sometimes when Levi dozed off and woke by the pitter-patter of scurrying rats, he thought he had fallen asleep in one of the caves in the outskirts of the underground, or that someone had finally managed to knock him out and drag him off to an unfamiliar passageway. It was easy to get lost in the tunnels around the city, and if you did not memorize your way in, you would not get out.

Eren never complained about anything, not even the chains that Levi attached to his wrists and ankles or the jail bars that kept the two of them locked in every night. Levi did not complain either, but clicked his tongue and shot Smith enough irritated glares for the both of them. Even now, they stripped down to their underwear and shivered in silence.

“Fucking disgusting.”

Their boots stood together on the other side of the bars so they would not track mud across their sleeping quarters. Eren’s cloak, their pants and Levi’s jacket still dripped everywhere, not to mention their hair. His clothes laid on the limestone floor, but the knife strapped to his right thigh was back in place, just as a precaution. Eren’s clothes were left out to dry on his side of the bed, in an imitation of Levi’s, but with less grace.

“Here.” Eren avoided eye contact when handing him a towel, before shaking his head wildly. A few droplets landed on Levi’s cheek.

“Tch. You’re like a damn puppy.” Levi let the towel hang around his shoulders to reach out and pull Eren closer. His hair was soft and thicker than Levi’s own.

“Sorry,” came Eren’s muffled answer beneath the heavy cloth. A few raindrops fell to the floor with muted plops when Levi dried both of their heads, a bit roughly, but at least he got the job done. Eren peered at him from beneath the corner of the towel with wide eyes.

The silence in the room was loud, a delicate layer of comfort stretched to its limit, which should not be broken or reality would invade. It was easy to slide into the detached bubble that existed only for them, but burst when an outsider tried to enter. Being around each other every minute of the day, knowing Levi might have to kill Eren whenever such an order came, created that kind of tension. Or so he reasoned.

Levi ran his palm over his damp undercut and sat down on the left side of their shared double cot. The mattress dipped beside him.

“I’m sorry. About your friends.”

Eren sat cross-legged, the towel still on his head like a hood. Just like Isabel used to leave it after bathing. What a child. Levi said nothing, only watched while he wiped the last of the rain off his skin.

“I was there when they ate mom. Dad was probably eaten too, but no one saw him. Sometimes, I dream. . .” Eren grimaced. “I don’t mean to say that I know how you feel. I still had Mikasa and Armin, and his grandpa, so I wasn’t alone.” Eren paused. “Although, grandpa was sent out to fight the titans soon after.”

_Jesus kid_ , Levi would have liked to say, but did not. How old had they been when the wall had been breached? Eight? Ten? The news had reached even the underground, but it had been years since then. The chains curled on Eren’s pillow caught his eye. He frowned. Why did Eren speak so selflessly to him?

“What kind of fucked up competition is this? What’s the prize, misery and loneliness?”

“I didn’t mean it like that. I’m just sorry you’re tied to a monster. If it weren’t for me you would be preparing to go out and kill titans instead of sitting here.”

“A monster, you say.”

Eren avoided Levi’s gaze, but his fists clenched and a determined glow settled over his tense jaw. “Yeah. You wouldn’t have had to beat me at the courtroom and wouldn’t have to take responsibility for my actions. You will never be able to leave me, unless people started to trust titans, which they won’t! I don’t either.”

Eren did not sound hurt by his own words. Levi scowled at the ceiling.

“It doesn’t matter, I chose this myself.”

Smith’s plan was to help Levi gain the people’s trust by proving he could monitor a titan shifter and that he was on humanity’s side. If he could convince everyone that he was willing to kill Eren the second he did a wrong move, he would gain the other officials’ approval. Smith had already shown that he believed in Levi by letting him be alone with Eren, and it was up to Levi to show he was worthy of that trust. They might lock both Eren and Levi in the basement every night, but Levi chained Eren to the bed, Levi had a knife strapped to his thigh and the key to Eren’s shackles in his pocket.

Maybe if they trusted him, they would learn to trust Eren, though it would never be absolute. Because however you looked at it, Levi would always be human, and Eren would not. Unless someone better came along or death took what was its, they would stay together for the rest of their lives. But Levi had chosen that life and he accepted the most probable outcomes.

“No you didn’t,” Eren said.

“Don’t argue with me.”

Eren closed his eyes. “Are you afraid of me?”

And even after last night, the same question was asked again, the last syllabus cracking with the slightest hurt Levi rarely heard in Eren’s tone. Perhaps he had forgotten their conversation, or dismissed it as a dream.

“Are you afraid of me?” he repeated, this time with more persistence.

“No.”

Eren’s hair was wild, small tufts standing up in every direction. He rubbed his eyes with the heels of his palms. “I think you’re the only one who isn’t afraid of me.”

“Smith and Hanji aren’t.”

“No, I guess they’re not. But everyone else. They give me these looks, and they avoid me. And some of them, they don’t even try to hide it.”

“Hide what?”

Eren’s lowered his voice. “How much they hate me.”

“Does it bother you that much? I’m not popular either.”

“I, well. . . I guess, no? It’s frustrating. I want to get out there and kill titans. I want to help, but I’m not allowed to do anything. I’m a burden for you and everyone else.”

Levi’s eyebrow twitched. Eren opened his mouth again.

“If your friends were here instead of me, maybe the others would trust you more—”

“Shut up.”

Eren froze. Levi twisted to glower at him, not caring that his bangs fell in his eyes when he grabbed Eren and pressed his arms to the beddings.

“You can’t change your mom, dad or grandpa’s deaths. You can’t revive my friends. You can’t fucking un-kill people. It doesn’t matter if they deserved it or not. You can’t get rid of your titan powers. You’re not allowed to be so selfish to even wish for it, or regret your life. I don’t care about shitty what ifs.”

Levi lowered his face closer to Eren’s. He could feel the heavy breaths against his lips and chin, and Eren’s heaving chest push against the arms holding him down. If he leaned closer in, he bet he could hear Eren’s heart hammer against his ribcage.

“We have to make choices, Eren, and sometimes those choices are like runny shit. But we can’t change them and if we start to regret them we stop making choices in fear of making more bad ones. And if you stop making choices, will that satisfy you, huh? Will that satisfy your dead mom, or the people you killed? They’re all fucking dead now, but you’re not. Did they die in vain? Tell me. It doesn’t matter if people piss themselves when they see you. They should, because you’re alive and you can still make your own choices.”

Levi stared into Eren’s eyes. They were wide, but not scared. The buzzing silence grew louder and the air thinner between them. Levi had to move away, quickly. He squeezed the firm flesh of Eren’s arms, before pushing himself away.

“Tch.”

Eren did not move.

The corners of Levi’s lips curled down when he turned away from Eren. He had said too much. The past weeks were raging water, flooding the rivers, wetting the soil and making it slippery. Levi was slipping. His self-control was slipping, sliding along the soil and crashing into Eren.

He took a quiet breath and kept his tone even.

“People suffer, kid, that’s what they do. But I won’t hesitate to kill you if you step out of line, so make sure you don’t. That’s your choice.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t,” whispered Eren, and dropped the towel over his face.

 

His shoulders trembled an awful lot; it was not that cold. Levi pulled the sheets over him when he stilled. He cuffed Eren like the dutiful piece of shit he was, but ended up opening them around midnight to wipe away the traces of a nightmare that was not his own, but could have been if he ever got any sleep.

 

 

 

They had their own table in the mess hall, furthest away from both the main entrance and kitchen with its deadly cooking equipment. Levi had claimed it on his first day at the headquarters and no one else never sat at it, even though there was room for at least six if not eight people.

Levi drank tea for breakfast and ate as much as he could stomach, which was more and more for each passing day. Drills with the military were more tiring than his day to day life in the underground, but only if done right. Levi did not pass his chances to get stronger and used everything to its fullest potential: he trained harder, he ate more and he did his best to let Eren’s melodious snoring lull him to sleep, although with little success.

Eren was never supplied with a knife if it could be avoided, and if he did get one, it was always wooden, just like all his other utensils. Levi had noted how Eren always went for porridge, soup and bread if he could help it, and the rare meat served he always ate with his hands, which he wiped meticulously afterwards under Levi’s watchful eye.

No one approached them. Smith did not sit at the superiors’ table that morning either, but the other guy who sniffed people, Zacharias, did. His posture was relaxed and he chewed his bread and eggs with leisure, but Levi met his sharp gaze across the room more than once. His nose twitched in their direction like a mutt smelling a bone around the corner.

“Smith’s not here today,” Levi said and took a gulp of his tea.

Eren jolted and looked up from the bowl he had swirled his spoon in to create a goo of butter, smashed berries resembling minced innards, and dry globs of a healthy and appetizing breakfast porridge.

“The commander? Are we supposed to meet with him today?”

“No.” Levi let his gaze glide over the room. Some scouts peered their way, but most of them turned their head as soon as they noticed him glaring. “We’ll be doing some experiments.”

Across the hall sat Eren and Levi’s babysitters, whose only task was to ogle them and make sure the scouts honored the court’s decisions. The military police were drinking by themselves as if they were in a damn bar. The majority of the scouts were not old enough to have belonged to their divisions, but Levi recognized all of them, and they must know his face as well from their mutual adventures across the underground.

A bearded military police smirked at Levi, and elbowed a younger comrade in the side to make him look up as well. He could read the words “caught you, runt” on the first man’s lips. Levi took another sip of his tea.

“Right. . .” Eren raised his spoon, only to let the food plop back on his plate with a wet splat. “Uh, about yesterday, I’m sorry for what I said. You were right. About everything. I don’t like sitting here when we should be fighting and I took my frustration out on you.” Eren let out a curt, bitter laugh. “You must think I’m spoiled.”

“I think that you’re a damn kid,” danced on the tip of Levi’s tongue, but he did not say it.

“No, but what if someone had heard you spout all that shit? You need better discipline and survival instincts,” he said instead.

Eren pushed his bowl away, knitting his brows together. His words were hesitant. “That’s what you’re teaching me. You said so in the courtroom.”

Levi put down his teacup to regard Eren’s conflicted expression with guardedly neutral pretense, well aware of the audience across the mess hall. Without as much as a twitch of his eyebrow, he agreed.

No excuse could make up for the beating Levi had given Eren, who had knelt chained to a goddamn metal pole. Levi had kicked, stomped and pulled at Eren however he had pleased, making sure the bruises were visible and the smacks loud enough to reach the furthest rows of the courtroom, to leave no room for arguments against his case. Even if it had not been Levi’s idea per se, he had not refused when Smith had ordered him to beat Eren black and blue. He had even knocked out a tooth and still kept going. Those actions were all his own; it did not matter that Smith had told him to do it or that they had saved Eren’s life.

Levi did not regret the kicks. One less and someone might have deemed him unable to put Eren down. But he did not try to evade his responsibilities either and if Eren ever had a decent reason to beat the shit out of him, he would forgive any sloppiness and let the punches hit their mark. He owed him that much.

“Do you hate the commander?” Eren asked, without a trace of malice in his voice. “For what he did?”

Keeping his indifferent countenance, Levi considered the broad question. Did he hate Smith? For chasing him and forcing him to choose between life and death? For seeing through his assassination plan, and terminating Isabel’s, Farlan’s and his own chance to live above ground? For letting him think he could give his family a better life? For ordering Levi, a vicious thug with one of history’s bloodiest records, to publicly beat a defenseless teenager so thoroughly he might have died if he was not dubbed a _monster_ and had an exceptional healing ability?

“I don’t know.”

Levi studied Zacharias, the man who had shoved Levi’s head into a puddle when he had knelt tied up, much like Eren in the courtroom, on Smith’s orders, much like Levi in the courtroom. Did Zacharias hate Smith? His nose scrunched up when he sniffed the air, his shoulders relaxed.

When Levi pictured the commander of the Scouting Legion, he thought of his steely eyes and strained expression. Levi had never seen him unpresentable, his hair was always combed and clothes ironed. His fists did not clench at the thought and his chest remained hollow. No feelings surfaced.

“I think I did at first. Not anymore.” Levi met Eren’s eyes. “Do you hate him?”

 “No,” Eren said. He did not break eye contact, and neither did Levi.

“Do you hate me?”

“Because of the things you did in the courtroom? I know it was all necessary.”

Eren did not say _no_. Levi had been prepared for a _yes you goddamn sadist_ , but the dodge still scorched him. It had no right to do so and he did not care why he noticed it to begin with. He looked to his teacup. It was empty, save for the tea leaves floating at the bottom.

“Smith knows what he’s doing. I don’t know what he sees in the future, but he’s loyal to whatever it is. He’s ready to sacrifice anyone or anything for it. Including you and me. Even himself.” Levi shut his mouth. He owed Smith nothing and he did not have to defend his actions, nor his own. “Maybe we’re worth more alive than dead to him. Maybe not. We won’t know until it’s too late.”

Eren’s lips parted and the tip of his tongue peeked out from between. Levi followed its nervous movements.

“You would rather entrust your life to fate than take it in your own hands?”

“No, I just know I’m worth shit in the bigger picture.”

Eren had nothing to say to that and dropped the subject when the mess hall doors burst open and squad leader Hanji barged in shouting “good morning everyone, what a beautiful day it is today!” before marching over to their table.

“Hello, Levi, Eren. How are you feeling today? Not sick, I hope, after standing all night in the rain.” Hanji adjusted their goggles and gave them both a dramatic once-over. They were among the only scouts who went as far as making a show of having a normal conversation with the two, yelling and gesturing and laughing wildly. “It seems like the new clothes were a perfect fit! Did you guys wash the other pair?”

Eren lowered his spoon. “Um, Hanji—”

Their gaze flickered to Levi, and they smacked their forehead and laughed, either not caring about Eren’s tentative words or not hearing them. Probably the latter. “Of course you did wash them, who do I think I’m talking to? Good, good. Well, boys, what do you say about going out today, hm? The eastern courtyard is in a dire need of some weeding and I think you’d do an immaculate job on it.”

 They put their hands on their hips and grinned so wide, their cheeks would split if they tried any harder. Eren made another attempt to gain their attention.

“Uh, I’m sorry, but—”

“Hm? Yes, Eren? Tell me.”

“I thought we’d do experiments today?”

“Well.” Their face twisted into a grimace, but they were quick to recover their smile. “Our guests from the MP would love to watch you shift, but I’m afraid you’re still too weak for that. The commander ordered you on light duty, so you and Levi are going to clean around here instead. Exciting, right?”

“I suppose,” Eren said, still cautious. His eyes flitted over to meet Levi’s for a second. He must have thought the same thing; they had been on light duty ever since the court day, despite Eren having fully healed after the thorough beating, and both were impatient for new distractions. Even Hanji sounded ready to explode from curiosity, and yet they were in for another day spent doing chores. Not that Levi complained.

“Great! Levi?”

He gave a slight nod. It was not like he had any say in the matter anyway.

Hanji leaned over the table, their attitude switching from giddy to pensive. “One more thing before I leave you to it. You shouldn’t walk around separated or alone, especially you.” They wagged their finger in Eren’s direction. “Some people saw you yesterday night in the courtyard, Levi, but I said Eren was locked up in the basement. It was your luck it rained and you needed to pull up your cloaks, lads, otherwise you’d both be sitting in for questioning today. We wouldn’t want to mess with the experiment schedule, right?”

Hanji laughed at their own joke and clapped their hands together.

“I won’t hold you any longer. Have fun, all right?”

They waved to the two as they hurried to the kitchen and back to the mess hall to stuff their mouth full and prattle with Zacharias. The two of them looked old, older than most scouts, with lines etched around their eyes and mouths. Even Hanji looked like they had the remains of a scowl around their lips, despite that Levi had never seen them mope during their one month of acquaintance.

Eren offered Levi a forced smile. “Sorry for causing trouble.”

“Why were you even out yesterday?”

Eren’s gaze drifted to watch their superiors with a creased brow. He strained his neck to take in the rest of the mess hall: the cadets, the murmuring from lips they could not read, and the suspicious atmosphere that peaked every time one of them caught a comrade’s eye. When Eren turned to look at Levi again, his brow smoothed out.

“Do you ever feel a sort of pressure in your chest? Like the air’s bad and it’s hard to breathe?”

“Where I come from, it’s always hard to breathe.”

“But it’s easier to breathe outside, isn’t it?” Eren posed. “I just needed to breathe.”

Levi peeked into his empty cup one last time before he stood up. Shameless, judging gazes pierced him and pulled at him from all directions when his dishes loudly clinked together. Eren’s eyes did not stray from him either, and if possible grew even more attentive when Levi spoke to him in a low voice, as not to burst the bubble that separated them from the rest of the Legion.

“Next time we’ll go stand in the hell rain together.”

 

There never was enough air in enclosed spaces. Within the walls, the underground, the basement. But in the bubble that existed only for him and Eren, Levi never had trouble filling his lungs to the brim.

 

 

 

The eastern courtyard was the largest of the courtyards, and often used as training grounds by disabled and injured soldiers who needed rehabilitation before moving out to the forest and fields for the regular drills. The headquarters’ walls were thickest in the east to allow the use of the 3D maneuver gear without having to fear the grapples would tear down the building.

Eren walked out first, his shoulders tense and his hand held high to shield his eyes from the sun. Groups of soldiers passed them on their way to the fields, their babbling fading into reserved murmuring when they spotted him. Levi’s scowls killed the last of the joyous gossips, and the scouts hurried across the yard, and out of their sight.

“He’s so scary-looking though,” one scout around Eren’s age said to her friend when they jogged past, casting Levi a fleeting look.

Technically they could have talked about either of them, but Eren did not look all that scary when human. It was absurd in a way, how they were rejected by their comrades, no doubt for different reasons, but in the end still by the same emotion. An instinct beyond dispute, awakened by unpredictable misfits like themselves: fear.

Eren was feared for his lack of control and strong emotions, his will to live, thirst to know and experience what most people could not even dream of obtaining, and an immutable sense of justice. In a way, Levi feared him too, for how Eren picked himself up and continued forward no matter what, in pursuit of doing “the right thing”. And yet all that was on everyone’s lips was, _he’s a raging monster here to kill us all_. Eren had even said it himself, called himself a monster for being able to transform, something no other known human could. He had lost control of his titan and tried to kill his own sister, and she too had admitted it in court. Nothing could stop him from shifting, picking up humans, and chewing them to death as they screamed their throats sore for mercy.

That is, nothing could stop him except maybe Levi, and it was a “maybe” the scouts clung to with their lives. Levi was feared on entirely other grounds than Eren. He was biologically human, doubtlessly so, but while Eren was vocal about his intentions, Levi had never said what he thought was “the right thing” and what was more important—if he had any plans to live up to his morals. Even though no one had asked him, not even Smith, if he ever had killed a man, and Levi had never confirmed it, everyone already knew the answer, consciously or subconsciously. Levi was a rabid animal, used to fighting tooth and nail for his right to live another day, plucked from a nightmarish landscape and plopped down in what was these people’s reality. And _he_ held the leash of a _monster boy_ who would never stop chasing his goals.

They might fear them for other reasons too. Levi could not be sure, because he had never lived a commoner’s life above ground, nor did he have any notable friends who would lead such lives. Eren was not normal enough to fill those shoes. Not that it mattered. They could fear Levi for any reason they wanted, he would not spare them a single fuck as long as they left Eren and him alone.

The last of the scouts left. Levi lowered the buckets in his arms and Eren followed his example.

“How should we do this?”

“We weed first,” Levi said and pushed up the sleeves of his new dress shirt. “And sweep after.”

Eren chose a bucket for himself, glancing at the hand shovels, but not making a move to take one. The tips looked sharp, a lot like the meat knives in the mess hall he never used.

He walked into the shadows of the headquarters and squatted down against the wall, digging into the cracks between the cobblestones with his fingers and yanking up all greenery before dumping them into the bucket. Levi brought another two buckets and crouched down next to Eren, who watched wide-eyed.

“It’s easier if we clean together. I’ll dig out the shit you can’t pull up.”

They threw weeds one after another into the buckets, filling them to the brim in silence and moving on toward the center of the yard. The sun had risen well above the headquarters and Levi had no way to shield himself from the rays. Even though the warmth and light were appreciated, his skin was unaccustomed to them and had already taken on a pinkish color. Eren sported a tan since he had worked in the fields as a child and was used to the slow roasting, he told Levi.

Eren handled the grass with less care than the prettier wildflowers, but he still jerked them all up with their roots, never taking a break. He was surprisingly persistent, scraping up the last of the plants with his nails so Levi could concentrate on his work without having to help him with the hand shovel. It was ridiculous, how he did not want to handle it, as if he would turn into a raging monster just by holding it in his hand.

Ridiculous indeed, considering that Levi was the one who had committed murders, with grey morals no one in the Scouting Legion understood, a knife strapped to his thigh and permission to kill when he saw fit. What damage could Eren do with a kitchen knife or a small shovel that Levi would not be able to do just as well, if not better? And Eren never used a tool to inflict pain on himself to trigger a transformation anyway, but always raised his hand instead, and tore into his own flesh like a brute.

Eren frowned at the ground, prying at a cobblestone to clear the soil from the last of the roots that had grown around it. Levi reached out to pick another shovel from a nearby bucket. With the handle first, he thrust it in Eren’s direction.

“Just take the damn thing.”

“But what if something happens?”

“I’ll take responsibility. You’re making this into a bigger deal than it is. Or do you think I can’t take you on?”

As a human he certainly could, and a mindless titan would not cause much trouble either if he had his 3D maneuver gear, but Levi was unsure how well he could fight Eren if he shifted and attempted to kill him. Eren had never directed his murderous intents at Levi though, and he doubted Eren would want him dead. They had known each other for a week or so, but despite the rough initial meeting at the courtroom, Eren had strived to respect Levi. Almost to the extent he suspected a small seed of fearful admiration fueled the behavior.

A door slammed shut behind them, and the laughter of a drunk company carried through the air. Eren shook his head and went back to survey the ground, pulling up more weeds with renewed vigor.

“What’re you doing?” one of the arriving men asked. It was the bearded military police from breakfast, clad in full uniform with an uncorked bottle in his hand.

Levi had half a mind to give him a snarky reply, but instead threw the hand shovel back into the bucket and titled his head to regard the newcomers. The two military polices seated themselves on a nearby bench, throwing their arms over the backrest. They had no intentions to help, only watch Eren and Levi work and drink their day away.

“Weeding,” he said and drove the shovel through a plant. The roots jutted up and one of the cobblestones creaked from the harsh treatment.

The military police did not have anything funny to say to that, and Eren and Levi continued cleaning in peace. Eren had sat down to let his legs rest as he hacked away at the ground, but Levi could not bring himself to dirty his white jeans.

“Hey, runt.” Both Eren and Levi glanced up at the MP who scratched his beard, his gaze never leaving Levi. “Where’re your friends?”

Eren’s expression morphed into alarm. Levi tugged on another weed. The grass sliced into his palm and drew blood, but it did not hurt. The next one he dug out with the shovel though. Eren’s hands must be in worse shape, considering how he did everything barehanded.

“They’re dead,” he said.

“That must be disappointing, to go from crime lords to titan fodder. I’m not surprised. You’ve always been lazy and egotistical and never bothered to do any real work. I guess it isn’t as easy to scram when you pick a fight with monsters as it is when you steal from old people.”

Eren stiffened at Levi’s side, who scraped the last of the wildflower’s roots into the bucket, and shifted to look at the speaking military police who had kept quiet so far. His bangs were getting into his eyes so he wiped at his forehead with the back of his hand in hope of not smearing blood or dirt on his face.

The military police sneered. He was young, barely older than Levi, with a rosy, round face, and his hair styled like a little boy’s. Levi had seen him a few times in the underground guarding the staircases to the surface. With a face like that though, Levi was not surprised no scout had approached him, even in the off-chance they might have known him from their trainee days.

“Real work . . . like the work you do?”

Levi stared long and hard. The military police’s sneer waned.

“Are you implying something?” the bearded MP asked.

Levi scoffed and stabbed the tip of his hand shovel into the ground. “Not at all.”

While pulling up the root and nudging the cobblestone back in place, a warm, fragrance-free cloud rolled into his view with the gentle breeze. A frown pulled at the corner of his mouth and he tracked the smoke trail back to its source.

What the fuck?

The puzzle pieces clicked and Levi’s eyebrows rose; the answer was steam. Steam, oozing from Eren’s hands, whirled in the air and veiled the ground. His skin was mending itself back together as he worked, his cuticles ripped and hands cut on the sharp stone edges. The same had happened when they left the court and during the nights in the basement, but it had never been as visible as in broad daylight.

The military police took note of the strange cloud at the same time as Levi did, or maybe they noticed because he paused to examine it. Eren did not stop working and had not even slowed down, despite the distracting cloud. He just waved it away.

“Stop there, you aren’t allowed to transform! Do something.” the bearded military police pointed at Levi, his accusing finger jabbed straight toward his face. “You’re supposed to keep him in check.”

“I’m healing.” Eren raised his hand. The man jerked back. “I cut myself and my skin’s healing. I’m not going to shift.”

“Freak.”

Eren did not answer the younger military police, but he did draw his blood and dirt stained hand back to himself. The MP’s smirk returned, stretching his already wide face even wider. His voice held more malice than before, when he eyed Levi and then Eren.

“No wonder they call you monster. I don’t get why the court ruled in your favor. Because Commander Smith found some thug who can kill you if you lose it? Aw man, that’s ridiculous. You could be working together for all we know. Isn’t that right?”

The other MP nodded. “It’s not natural. A titan with healing skin. Abominations like you should be executed the first chance we get, to protect ourselves. And you’re not much better.” He waved in Levi’s general direction. “We know how low you’ve sunk.”

Eren had abandoned the weeds in favor of clenching his fists. The younger military police’s eyes shone with excitement and he kept throwing smug glances in Levi’s direction.

“It’s disgusting really, how you think you’re more worth than everyone else because you can shift. You expect everyone to put all their hopes in _you_ when you’re not even human. I’m glad you got beat in the courtroom. And you couldn’t even do anything. How would you ever protect us, when you can’t even protect yourself from one puny man? Ha, you’re insane.”

He shook his head, but his smirk did not fade.

“Or maybe you just like getting kicked. . . ? Anyway, what do the Scouting Legion think they’ll do with you? What do they have? A house full of crazy people who think they can make a difference but all die at fifteen. A difficult commander who doesn’t care how many lives he wastes, a boy who steals bread as a living, and a titan shifting, masochistic _monster_ who’s just a disaster waiting to happen. One day there’ll come a message to Mitras, and it reads that you’ve lost it, eaten half the Legion and opened the walls for more titans. You’re going to kill them all and they’ll die in vain, like all the other scouts, because there’s no other way for the likes of you to die. And we’ll ask the king, what did we tell you?—”

“What did you say?”

The military police’s mouth hung open, cut off mid-sentence by Eren’s question.

“What?”

“What did you say about the soldiers? The scouts?”

The MP’s lips stretched into a wicked grin.

He could feel Eren shake next to him, tense and ready to pounce, like an agitated puppy who had no choice but to attack. He could already hear the mocking tone ring in his ears, even though the military police had said nothing. Soon, Eren would jump soon, and Levi would have to react. The weight of the knife on his thigh grew tenfold.

These people were more than entitled assholes. They were sly, and coaxing, because they wanted something from them. No, not from Levi, because he had passed the test, but Eren—

They wanted Eren to blow up.

“That they’re a bunch of suicidal crazies who want tax payers’ money and attention without doing any real work. Like your nasty warden friend from the underground. You know what? It’s a good thing you go on your so-called missions outside the walls. More food for us, when you guys die. I don’t care, you’re free to waste your lives any way you want. We could just stay within the walls and live safe lives, but no, there’s always idiots who insist on broadening their horizons, and that’s you. The scouts are fucking _insane_ , I’m glad you’re making it easy on us and leave on your own accord, I—”

“Shut the hell _up_!”

Eren howled as he pushed himself off the ground and swung his right fist at the younger MP’s face.

Levi was up and moving as fast as Eren was. His mind switched off and his sense sharpened at the same time. He took note of the fire in Eren’s eyes, how the sun made him glow, and how his too widespread feet left him vulnerable and easy to tackle. The air smelled foul, like grime and watery booze, but when he got closer, Eren’s scent of sun and firewood filled his lungs. They crashed to the ground not far from the bench, his arms hooked under Eren’s arms and around his shoulders, with him lying atop of the wriggling body.

“Fucking calm down, use your shitty brain and get a hold of yourself. Don’t dare give them what they want.”

Levi’s knuckles ached and bled on the cobblestones beneath, but he only gripped Eren’s coarse shirt tighter and let his full weight pin them to the ground, digging his toes into Eren’s calves to still his kicking legs. Eren roared and tried to crawl forward by burrowing his fingers in the cracks of the stones, like when he had weeded, but his and Levi’s combined weight proved to be too much for him. He did try to pry Levi’s arms off him, but did not reach to claw at his face or pull his hair.

Steam rose from Eren’s arms and fingers, even his face where he had an ugly wound on his left temple. He yelled at the top of his lungs, taunting the military police to say that again to his face, that they were cowards and knew nothing about the titans or the world, how they were fattening up while others died for their sake, and how he would show them once he got his hands on them—

Levi loosened the grip of Eren’s shirt to grab a handful of his hair. “Listen here, brat. What the fuck do you think you’ll accomplish with this?”

“You said I could make my own choices,” Eren growled. He beat the ground with his fist and tried to shrug Levi off, but without success. The military polices were yelling, and other voices joined in. It was just a matter of time before a Scouting Legion officer would show up.

“And that I would be doing mine. I’m not letting you kill us over some minor taunting.”

“Minor? Didn’t you hear what they said? They said that all scouts deserve to die, that your friends deserved it, they said—they said that—”

Eren banged his fist one last time against the ground, yelling “dammit” with shattered passion, before lapsing into intermittent sobs. The steam oozing off his flesh did not let up, and while Levi’s knuckles did not heal by themselves, the pain was easy to dismiss.

“Oi, do you realize how fucking selfish you’re being? You’re not allowed to be so selfish,” Levi ground between his teeth. He twisted his arm and pressed his elbow as hard as he could into Eren’s side, earning himself a pained grunt. “I’ll kill you if you can’t control yourself. Don’t make me do it.”

“But—but, it’s not right! I’ll show them, dammit.”

“It doesn’t fucking matter. Do you want to live or not? Decide now.”

Eren’s heart beat against Levi’s palm, fast but steady. It would take resolve to stop it. Resolve that Levi did not possess.

Just as fast as he had sprung up, Eren went pliant beneath Levi, who eased some of his weight off him. Ready to drop back again if something happened, but nothing did, except for Eren’s wrecked sniffles. He pushed one hand into Eren’s hair, but did not grip or pull at the strands.

“Are you all right?”

“Y—yeah, sorry. . .”

Eren quivered beneath him, even when he rose to give him more breathing room. His gasps blubbered and Levi could practically hear the mucus fill his nose.

Levi glowered at the military police, who had backed away and looked at them with mixed feelings of fright and shock. He showed his teeth in a scornful grimace and tapped the knife handle on his thigh. The edge had cut open his jeans and sliced into his flesh, leaving a stinging wound.

Hanji flew to the scene. They waved their arms around to catch everyone’s attention with a fake smile plastered to their face. In the background, Smith and what looked like Hanji’s jumpy assistant Moblit, were striding toward them.

“Everyone, please calm down. We can sort this out without violence.”

Eren hissed in pain behind him and Levi turned his back to the crowd to help him stand. He steadied Eren until his legs could bear him again.

“Try not to get too riled up again or I’ll knock you out for good,” he said.

Eren winced. “I won’t.”

 

 

Moblit paced back and forth behind the bars, while Eren scrubbed his jeans and spare shirt clean. He had his usual yellow-green shirt on, hanging off his shoulders as if it was two sizes too big for his ducking form. Levi had already washed his clothes and was bandaging his knuckles and the wound on his thigh. Eren had offered to do it for him, but Levi had waved his outreached hands away; he had seen Eren dress wounds before and knew himself to be better at it.

Curious enough, Eren had not once showed any signs of transforming despite all the cuts and bites littering his body. He even had guilty teeth marks blooming beneath his thumb. Perhaps he bit himself to relieve his anxiety? Levi did not ask about it.

(Two weeks after the incident, Hanji declared Eren could shift only when he had a clear goal in mind. Mauling the military police sounded like an adequate goal to go titan and eat the bastards, but Eren never took the opportunity. Levi reminded his colleagues of that every time their tones grew too judgmental for his taste, years later when he rose in rank and became Captain, the leader of the people. Eren did not lack as much self-control as the first impression lead on.)

Moblit did not leave before the cuffs were snug around Eren’s wrists and Levi’s key dangling off a hook across the room, out of Eren’s reach. The knife and thigh strap laid on the floor on Levi’s side of the bed. Moblit’s gaze was apologetic, but rules were rules, and Eren could not walk around unchained after exhibiting his violent tendencies. If something happened, the military police would accuse their supervisor of recklessness.

“Commander Smith and Squad Leader Hanji will come by when they’ve finished their business. I’ll bring you food later,” he said, before ascending the stairs. His steps were heavy, but the slam of the basement door even heavier, and the hinges screeched disapprovingly.

The chains rattled when Eren pushed himself upright. He crossed his bare legs and curled in on himself, his head hanging low.

“Stop looking so pathetic. Self-pity won’t solve shit.”

Raw mortification coated his words when he glared at Levi out of the corner of his eyes. “I’m not pitying myself.”

“Oh yeah? Then who’s your sorry ass crying for?”

Eren huffed. “I’m not crying.”

Levi kicked the aid kit beneath the bed and sat down next to Eren, leaning against the headboard to count the gaps between the bars before them. Two torches were lit, both outside of their cell. The shadows swayed in a morbid dance, stretching and fluttering from one side to the other.

“Admit it,” Levi said in a low voice, tiredness seeping into his words. “You’re feeling sorry for yourself.”

“I’m not.”

“Then stop sulking. Don’t waste your tears on anyone else.”

Eren shifted on the bed to glare at Levi. “How can you say that?”

“What?”

“That’s so heartless. Don’t you care about anyone else than yourself?”

Levi stayed silent, but Eren would not have noticed even if he would have tried to defend himself. He was too worked up to pay attention.

“He insulted all the scouts who’s offered up their lives for our sake. He called them crazy and said they deserved it. He said that about your friends. Didn’t it make you angry?” Eren trembled. “You don’t get. I cried for _you_ , you idiot, but you make me wish I hadn’t.”

Averting his gaze, all Levi could say was “good”. It faded into a whisper too quiet even for himself to hear.

_I cried for_ you _, you idiot._

Eren slouched back against the headboard. He cupped his own face, the chain swinging back and forth in the air, the edges of the cuffs eating their way into his thin wrists. “I shouldn’t’ve said that.”

_You’re such kid_ , Levi wanted to say. _Crying like that for someone you barely know._ The words wedged themselves in his throat. He could not squeeze them past his lips. In his mind they fell in place, one after another, like dominos that were never pushed, words never spoken. _You shouldn’t apologize for something you’re entitled to say._

He did not express any of his thoughts. Instead he asked in a hoarse voice, “Why did you cry for me?”

Eren shook his head. The chains clinked together, clink clank clink.

“Fucking tell me why I’d be worth crying for.”

“Because you were right! Because I’m selfish and you’re stuck with me, a monster—because you’ll have to kill me if I act out. You’re an executioner because of me. And you never show how miserable you are, not even when you talk about your friends. They’re dead, and all of this is wrong, and you act as if it means nothing to you.” He took a deep breath. “I saw you yesterday standing in the rain. It looked like you were crying, but when you sat next to me. . . I saw you weren’t. So someone has to. And because there’s no one else around, because you have to be with me all the time, I thought, I thought that if I—”

Eren choked and swallowed loudly.

A ghost of a smirk played on Levi’s lips. “Brat,” he said and reached out to run his fingers through Eren’s mop of hair, ruffling the strands before pulling him closer to himself. “You’re such a brat.”

Eren rubbed his cheeks and let out a short and wet laugh. “Fuck off.”

Levi chuckled so softly it could be mistaken for an exhale. He let go of Eren’s hair and returned to spotting spider webs between the jail bars.

“Why do you keep calling yourself that?” he asked in the languid restfulness.

“What?”

“A monster.”

"Because that’s what I am. Only a monster would be able to do what I do. I’m a titan. Titans are monsters.”

Eren said it with such finality and no traces of hurt, as if calling himself that was the most natural thing ever. He did not hesitate even for a second before discarding his own humanity, and was confident in his truth.

“You’re right, you’re a monster.”

Levi ran his tongue over the inside of his teeth.

“But not for the reasons you think you are.”

“Then why?” Eren asked. He blinked at Levi, his brows furrowed as his eyes darted across the ceiling.

“Because nothing can stop you. Out in the courtyard, you were ready to kill both of us over the scouts’ honor, because that’s what you thought was right. It doesn’t matter that the Scouting Legion treat you like the shit at the bottom of their boot, or that there was nothing for you to gain. You ran head first into it, just because the MP was an unjust fucktard.”

Levi looked to Eren, whose eyes were wide and trained on him.

“That’s the kind of monster you are.”

Eren made a strange sounds in his throat. Levi raised an eyebrow and Eren’s face screwed up.

“I’m so sorry, Levi.”

He leaned in, one hand against the wall by Levi’s head. Demanding lips pressed to Levi’s, pushing him against the headboard with the intensity of a man desiring to devour. Eren’s movements were inexperienced and sloppy, and soon a tongue prodded at Levi’s lips. His eyes slipped shut as his mouth opened.

For a second he considered whether or not this was a good idea. A kiss was harmless enough, but Eren’s creeping hands exploring the dips and curves of his stomach toed the line of danger.

Fuck sense and caution though. He wanted more.

Levi tilted his head to the side and grabbed the back of Eren’s head, thrusting his tongue forward. Eren moaned and return the kiss with even more vigor than before. Spit dripped down both of their chins.

His hands ran over and across Eren’s body, tugging at his shirt and sneaking under its hem to grip his waist before travelling down to drag his thighs closer. The muscles rippled beneath Levi’s fingers when Eren slunk closer to him, seating himself on his pelvis, his legs radiating heat against Levi’s own. They separated and a sigh escaped Levi’s lips when he rolled his head to the side. Eren’s warm breath played with his bangs, and his fingers had found their way to his undercut and into the longer strands at the top of his head. The chains rattled loud beneath his ears. Levi massaged Eren’s hips, thinking over his options, while trying not to let Eren’s half hard cock resting against his stomach decide for him.

“Have you done this before?”

“Me?” Eren paused to catch his breath. His swollen lips tempted Levi to lean in and nip at them. “No, I haven’t. But I know, I’ve seen, in the barracks. . . What about you?”

“A few times, but it’s been a while.”

Eren’s features twisted into a mix of shame and disappointment. “Do you still want to . . .? With me?”

Levi gave him a flat look and tugged at his underwear. “You wouldn’t be sitting on my lap if I didn’t. Are you having second-thoughts?”

“No.”

Levi nodded curtly and swatted at Eren’s ass. “Then move.” When Eren cast him a confused look, he rattled the chains hanging between them. “I’ll unlock these. You’ll be too busy to bite yourself anyway, so it won’t matter.”

“Oh. Right.” Eren rolled off Levi and he hurried to grab the key and unlock the cuffs. They fell to the bed, along with the key, but Eren kicked them away when he crawled to push Levi back against the headboard. He had removed his shirt, so Levi shrugged off his own as well.

“How do you want to do this?”

“I like it like this,” Eren said. A light blush dusted his cheeks. “Sitting on top of you.”

Levi groaned and pulled him into another wet kiss, before helping Eren shimmer out of his boxers. Eren began to return the favor, but did not have the patience to undress him all the way before he took Levi’s cock in his hand. Eren shot him a questioning glance.

“Should we, I don’t know, do something before, uh, like get lube . . .?” he left the question hanging in the air.

“We’ll do that another time. Someone might come.” Levi gave the base of Eren’s cock a firm squeeze. “For now, I do you, you do me.”

“Nnh, o–okay.”

Eren gripped Levi’s shoulder for support and Levi steadied him with an arm around his middle. When they became breathless, Eren pressed his forehead to Levi’s. His hips twitched.

“I’m close.”

Levi grunted and swipe the precum off the tip of Eren’s cock, never letting his wrist rest. Eren moaned. His hands were soft and movements clumsier than expected, but Levi could feel his own completion closing in, his muscles tightening at the teasing touch of Eren’s fingers stroking him, tracing the underside, swiping over the tip and squeezing him. . .

Eren gasped out Levi’s name, and slid to rest against his neck. Levi stroke Eren through his orgasm and pushed his hand to join Eren’s around himself. It did not take long for him to cum as well.

Levi’s lips parted. He stared at the ceiling, panting. It reminded him of the underground ceiling, but it was not difficult to breathe at all even with Eren lying on his chest.

“Do you hate me?” he asked when he had regained his breath. Eren lifted his head to look at him with a perplexed expression. A heavy blush still adorned his cheeks.

“Why do you ask?”

Levi did not answer.

“No . . . no, of course I don’t. I’m thankful. And . . .”

“And?”

Eren cleared his throat. “And I like being with you, nothing else. I like you.”

“Okay.” Levi looked into Eren’s eyes and away again. His cheeks were heating up uncomfortably and the buzz within their bubble was deafening, and what was worse, it matched Levi’s heightened heartrate. Levi’s gut feeling was rebelling. It spoke of danger, a kind of vulnerability he had never before experiences, but could not bring himself to worry about either. “We should clean up and dress before anyone comes.”

“Uh. Sure, yeah.” Eren scrambled off Levi’s lap, leaving a cold spot behind. He wiped Levi’s cum off his chest, but not before dragging a finger across and sticking it into his mouth. Levi stared.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”

Eren shrugged, but had the audacity to look embarrassed when he handed the soiled rag to Levi. “Sorry.”

They dressed while Eren made a much appreciated effort to keep a light banter alive while still blushing furiously. His cum had splattered over Levi’s underwear so Levi had to change into another pair and wash more clothes, as well as rewrap the bandages on his right hand. They were allowed only two outfits each, but if they kept dirtying their clothes as often as they did, they would soon fray from the constant scrubbing.

“This is why you need to be patient, you little shit,” he said with an annoyed click of his tongue, but he was quick to forgive when Eren said “Sorry! Sorry, I’ll remember it the next time”, because it promised a next time.

They ended up lying on the bed again. There was not much else to do in the basement. Levi kept to leaning against the headboard, because he would not fall asleep either way, so he might as well sit guard. Eren on the other hand curled up on his side and blinked up at him with heavy and unfocused eyes.

“Sleep if you’re that tired.”

“No. I just didn’t sleep well last night, ‘s all.”

“Fine, be stubborn.”

Eren cracked a smile. He was not handcuffed yet, but it was only a matter of time before the basement door would creak open, and by then the key should be out of Eren’s reach, and his arms secured to the bed, as they should have been all the while. Surely Smith and Hanji would not mind if Eren was unchained, but the military police would. Levi just did not want to pick up the cuffs and lock them around Eren’s wrists, not yet at least.

“Hey, Levi.”

“Yeah?”

“What do you think they’ll do to us now?”

“Nothing.” Levi glanced at Eren, who stared at him with an unconvinced expression. “I did my job and nothing happened.”

“You don’t think they’ll separate us?”

“They got no reason to.”

“They could punish me. I deserve it.”

Levi scoffed. “We’re already prisoners. What more could they do?”

Eren did not answer that. Of course they could do more. But they were with the Scouting Legion now, and the court’s decision could not be revoked just like that. This was not the underground where laws and rules changed daily. This was above ground, where people pretended to be proper.

“I caused trouble again.” Eren rolled on his back. His fists closed at his sides. “But I was so angry.”

“That’s the point, they wanted you to be.” Levi pushed himself off the bed and picked up the shackles from the ground. He rubbed his thumb over the cool, smooth surface. “Next time you better control yourself.”

Eren took the cuffs from his hands and snapped them in place himself. “But if I can’t, you’ll be there to hold me down again, right?”

Levi grimaced. “Right.”

Eren adjusted the chains for a while, but ended up admitting defeat and letting them flop on his blanket however they pleased. Levi sat down next to him. The limestone floor had frozen his bare feet in the one minute he had spent on it.

“Where’s your knife?” Eren asked.

“There.” Levi nodded toward the cold ground where his thigh strap and weapon laid discarded. He refused to get up to collect them.

“You’re not putting it on?”

“Will I need it?”

“No.”

“Then it can stay there,” Levi said and crossed his arms. The frozen basement walls devoured the warmth of their previous endeavor, leaving nothing but the memory behind. Chilly drafts slunk around Levi’s bare legs and under his button-up. He might have to cover himself not to get sick.

“Hey, Levi?” Eren slurred.

“What now?”

“Would you really kill me? If nothing else worked?”

Levi narrowed his eyes at Eren’s relaxed face. “Yeah. If I had to.” As a last resort, he would. He did not want to kill Eren, but if he changed and stopped being himself, would not the real Eren be dead already? Levi could live with putting him out of his misery. The only thing worse than death, was slow suffering—withering away without anyone to care for you, and no hope besides the chance of a quick and painless death that would never come, and finally dying, with such pain carved into your soul that not even the hell fires could burn them away. Levi had seen it before, had even ventured down that road himself once, and he would never wish it upon Eren.

“Thanks.”

“Thanks? Tch. You’re fucked up.” But so was he, so he could not judge, could he. Eren seemed to know that too, because he just burrowed his head deeper into the pillow and snorted.

“I won’t lose my temper again.”

It was Levi’s turn to snort. “Just fucking sleep already.”

“I’m serious, I won’t. I want to be useful.”

“Sure.”

“I’ll sleep now.”

Levi hummed. “You do that.”

Eren closed his eyes, while Levi watched and waited for the basement door’s hinges to screech when opened again.

 

 

 

The military police left in the morning. They had seen enough to give the court a comprehensive report, they said. The thug seemed reliable enough to keep the titan shifter in check, he could handle it if something went wrong. The Scouting Legion should be able to manage the situation without further assistance from the MPs, the bearded man said and nodded with a grim expression. Good luck on your next mission, said his younger companion, and received a sharp jab to his ribcage. Smith’s solemn attitude did not waver when he followed the group out.

Hanji collapsed in a chair and fanned their face. “Well, boys. At least something good came out of that fight.”

“And what’s that?” Levi asked.

Their thick goggle glasses could not hide the passionate glint in their eyes when they beamed at him.

“We can finally do all the experiments I want. You have no idea how much we’ve fallen behind my schedule,” they said and launched into a detailed account of all the things they were itching to do with Eren’s titan.

When they mentioned cutting off his limbs, Eren shot Levi a terrified look. In retrospect, maybe the military police had not been so bad after all.

 

 

 

Eren and Levi stood abreast outside the headquarters, watching the sun set for the day. Soon they would have to go inside and ask Hanji to lock them in the basement, but they never went to bed early, so Levi was not worried about them coming to look for the two yet. They could have a moment for themselves in their private bubble, outside, where the lenient summer breeze ruffled their hair and the air tasted like freedom.

"Do you think the sky looks the same everywhere in the world?”

Levi had never seen so many soft colors—red, pink, orange, gold, purple and blue—blend into each other to create a livid image like that anywhere except for the open sky. If it did not look the same everywhere, what did it look like then? Even more beautiful than the skyscape above them, or uglier?

_Of course_ , he wanted to say. _It doesn’t matter anyway._ What a liar he would be. Because you did not even have to look beyond the walls, you could stay right there, within and beneath them. The sky above and below ground was nothing alike, Levi knew.

“I don’t know.” He crossed his arms. “What do you think?”

“I’d like to think it looks the same everywhere.” Eren smiled. “Can you imagine that there’s so many unknown things out there. Lightning that comes out of mountains, and earthquakes and smoke rolling down hills, killing everything it touches—and it’s impossible to escape. Armin’s book warned about those. What do you think it feels like when the whole world quivers?”

“I don’t know,” Levi said. He had balanced on crumbling cliffs in the underground tunnels, but he had always had his 3D maneuver gear on, and a steady wall to shoot his grapples into before he fell. But if the very ground started to shake and open up beneath him . . .? He preferred not to consider it a possibility.

“And there’s huge forests and great fields of sand. And animals, with long necks and tails, that are as deadly as titans, and some of them are large and heavy, even bigger than horses, that don’t eat meat at all. Isn’t that neat?”

Eren paused, and his voice faded into a wistful whisper.

“And the ocean. It’s an enormous lake, and you could sail to its center and you wouldn’t see any land wherever you looked. It’s filled with salt and fish, giant fish we have never seen, and there might be monsters too. At the bottom lives crabs and starfish. There grow grass and weeds in the ocean, especially at the beaches, where there’s sand so white and soft you could lie down on it and think you’re in heaven.”

“Sounds like a great fantasy.”

“It’s real, I’ve seen pictures in books,” Eren said. His eyes shone bright when he grabbed Levi’s arm and held it tight. “Let’s explore the world together. I’ll show you! Everything I told you about, it’s out there, and I’ll search for it until I’ve seen everything. You don’t have to believe me now, but when we’re out there. . .”

Eren let go of Levi’s arm and craned his neck to stare up at the sky.

“It’s our right to see it all, because we were born into this world.”

Levi swallowed. In his mind, Eren laid on their shared cot in the basement, his hands cuffed and blood running down his wrists from where he had hurt himself while thrashing from his nightmares. For how long would he have to open those cuffs to clean Eren’s wounds when he saw nightmares instead of dreaming of all the wonders he so highly spoke of?

“Levi? Don’t you believe so too?”

“I do.”

“Then we’ll kill all titans and make it happen. We’re strong enough to do it. And we can’t let everyone else’s sacrifices go to waste.” Eren grinned at Levi. His eyes shimmered with hope and light, reflecting something Levi could not see for himself.

He wished Eren was right and would show him all of it. That they would see the stars and crabs that lived at the bottom of the ocean and lie in the dirty sand that was as soft as heaven, however that might be like.

Levi tilted his head back. The faintest colors had lost the battle and started to give way for the darker ones. The sun would disappear within minutes and the breeze would gain an icy bite. They would have to leave soon. But first, they could have a few more minutes out in the open, with no ceiling to restrict them.

“I wonder if it’s even easier to breathe out there,” he murmured and blinked at the sky. A white cloud sailed past.

“Huh? Did you say something?”

“It’s nothing.”

He could not wait to find out, together with Eren.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you SailorChibiMidnight (on ff.net) and Nevermorexxx (both on ao3 and ff.net) for beta-reading! ^.^
> 
> If you enjoyed this, please leave comments and kudos - feedback fuels writers!  
> I also welcome well-meaning con-crit.
> 
> there might be a second part on the way or it might get trashed I'm shit at making decisions like this thank you for understanding
> 
> You can also find me at [sweetsoursugarcube.tumblr.com](http://www.sweetsoursugarcube.tumblr.com/)


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